Let it be (D)etermined to Last: When conflict occurs you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open up to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win. We are all guilty of trying to control others into behaving the way we want. However, when we do this we wind up creating even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.
While you are in a relationship there are two major fears that become relevant: the fear of losing the other person and the fear of losing ones self. It is because of these fears that most people immediately protect themselves with controlling behavior. But if you choose to learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fears will eventually be put to rest.
So the next time you find yourself in an argument make it a point to try to understand what the other person is feeling and WHY. The ‘why’ is the most important because this is where you will learn about your partner and their fears. It will help you to better understand how their fears are causing their actions. You both should be allowed to say your side and be completely honest.
I feel that 90% of my arguments with my boyfriend have been over mis-communication and assumptions. It is when we both hash out what is making us angry and WHY it is upsetting us that we can come to a peaceful end to a disagreement.
Also, for you stubborn B.A.D girls out there, doing this doesn’t mean you didn’t win or weren’t ‘right’ in the argument. If you are right this will allow for an easy victory. ;-)
Share with me your thoughts and opinions on this topic, I love to hear from you!